Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life by Harbin Thomas

Author:Harbin, Thomas [Harbin, Thomas]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Published: 2018-07-30T16:00:00+00:00

So what can Eddie do? His temptation as a debater is to find the ultimate wisecrack or insult that will “put that bitch in her place.” However, after years of verbal bantering, Pauline still irritates him. Obviously, trying to silence Pauline by out-debating her is not a good strategy—it focuses on trying to change or control someone else’s behavior, an impossible task. You cannot control others. When you try, all you get is frustrated.

When he finds that he cannot control Pauline, the only other thing Eddie can think to do is to avoid her. Avoidance is an effective strategy in a few, limited circumstances (such as when you fear that you will physically assault someone). However, avoiding Pauline means that Eddie must avoid anyone she is with as well as the settings where she is found. Thus, Eddie may end up avoiding other people and many important circumstances, such as meetings. This can feed into another tendency of angry men, which is to isolate themselves from others. If you frequently try to deal with frustration by avoiding the source of frustration, you avoid more and more people and situations. So, it seems that other methods need to be considered.

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